Is it hard for you to speak up what you feel? Do you constantly keep on telling people yes because of fear of getting rejected? Maybe you find it hard to stand up and ask for what you want? This can be because you find it hard to be assertive. In such situations, if you feel stressed, remember that not speaking up for yourself could stress you more. Assertiveness doesn’t mean rude but becoming aware of your own roles and responsibilities. Being assertive is a core communication skill. Developing a proper communicative skill is necessary for a better evolution of you as a human being. Assertive communication means expressing your good and bad ideas as well as feelings, in an open and honest way. It is the ability to speak up your ideas without harming or blaming others. It is crucial for us to know when and how to apply our assertiveness skills in inappropriate situations. All of us use this kind of behavior, however quite often when threatened we may resort to manipulative or aggressive attitude. The three C’s of assertiveness follow:

Being Confident. Believing in your ability to handle any circumstance.

Clarity. You should speak up your message loud and clear in order to promote effective understanding.

Controlled. Sending out your message in a calm and composed manner.

Importance of Assertive Communication.

YES, when you express yourself freely and confidently you give way to a greater sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. This can help with better stress management. Assertive conversations based on mutual respect reflects an effective and considerate style of speaking. It shows that you are aware of other’s rights and you do not mean to intentionally harm anyone. Undoubtedly, your message is important, nevertheless how you convey it also matters. An assertive personality, however, is self-assured, confident in expressing views, and even defending his or her own rights. If you communicate in a way that is too aggressive or too passive, your messages may not reach as people would be busy reacting to your tone. 

Passive Vs. Aggressive Vs. Passive Aggressive behavior.

If your style is passive; accepting everything that comes in your way, you probably want to avoid conflicting situations. However, in a long time, this can pose a problem. It makes other people regard your needs and wants. When you accept a task from your colleague, even knowing that it may require more time after your work, would lead to conflicts between your own needs. This would eventually lead to anger, stress, and feelings of resentment. Learning to be more assertive creates a win-win situation for both the parties and creates honest relationships. 

People often confuse assertiveness and aggression, however, they both are different. Aggressive communication leads to forceful behavior and pushing others around. An aggressive person damages his own self-esteem and only takes into account his own needs. Assertive communication is more clear and builds respect among others. If you come out as an aggressive person, you may come across as a bully who disregards the needs and wants of others. You may appear self-righteous and selfish. You may think that being aggressive may give what you want, nevertheless, it comes with a price to pay for. Other people may dislike you and untrust you as a reaction to your aggressive behavior. If you are passive-aggressive, you agree to something for which you internally disagree. You may complain behind other’s back instead of confronting things directly and openly. This attitude damages relationships and breaks trust, making it impossible to meet your own needs.

Aggressive Communication can be harmful.

In a moment while such a communication feels satisfying, nevertheless it is likely to create your enemies and hurt relationships. In a way, it caught you up into a vicious cycle from which you cannot escape. It comes with inhibiting your social skills and making situations awkward for you. Learning to progress from assertive to aggressive communication is a tough task.

How to be Assertive – Practicing Assertive Communication.

1. LISTEN CAREFULLY. If you listen to what others say, you can understand their point of view. If someone criticizes you, stay calm and positive and respectfully tell them what you feel about it.
2. USE “I” STATEMENTS. If you want to voice out your own needs, make sure you use statements like “I disagree with what has been decided.” Strong statements make an impact and project your own wishes.
3. BE CLEAR AND DIRECT. Always try to aim for honest and open conversations. When you make a point be specific and straightforward.
4. MAINTAIN BODY LANGUAGE. The way you present yourself makes a huge difference in how people perceive you. Sit Up-right, make eye contact, smile, and give good gestures to the people whom you are talking to.
5. LEARN TO SAY NO. People often worry about how telling “no” shall sound to others. However, you need to focus on yourself and your responsibilities. 
6. DON’T ACCUSE. Try not to react to situations by blaming others or accusing them. 

Remember learning assertiveness takes time and practice. By becoming more assertive, you get more of what you wish for.