Family is a unit consisting of generations of people who live, share, care, protect, motivate, and help each other to explore, expand and actualize one’s potential in all directions. Mahatman parents are the one who instills the values of great health, great wealth, and the ability to acquire greater wisdoms like self-love and self-discipline.

Mahatman family model thrives on compassion, equality, and freedom of life itself in an effort towards inspiring people to create a great family,MAHATMAN FAMILY.

Friendly, not patriarchy or matriarchy- Mahatman model suggests every family member should practice earning trust and friendship of each other starting from parents, to siblings. When there is not one decision-maker then decisions are usually made with a great deal of discussions or maybe sometimes arguments. This is much healthier than surrendering to male/female/eldest leader of the house. Yes, democracy begins at home. Such families practice personal independence yet find support in each other. The responsibilities are also evenly shared and the family machinery excels. Children of such families are more successful in the outside world given the training of being extremely communicative, enduring criticism, performing in teamwork, higher acceptance of people with difference in opinion hence creating great interpersonal relationships. Parents of such family structure are less likely to feel depressed in old age in the absence of their adult child due to their ability to express and share anything with their kids. When you are connected to the foundation of friendship, the family is less likely to fail.

Not forcing your religious or spiritual opinion – While you follow your faith and tend to involve your children in any related festive, you should not force them to follow any such activity.  Festivity or gathering are probably the first point of contact for kids to socialize. This is great! But they can question or oppose due to their curious mind finding some reason. Research has shown that forced religious practices have been a major reason for the rift between parents and their adolescent children. This quite mysteriously has become the cause of psychological trauma visible at later stages of life in many individuals. While the present world is such a connected web that kids have access to various information today which enhances intelligence and ability to dissect information.They have friends and acquaintances following various religions and some being atheists and humanists too. Hence it’s important that you share, explain, provide logical reasoning and discuss why’s and how’s of practice while not curbing their freedom of thought and actions. It is important to raise a knowledgeable child who can take responsible decisions as an independent individual later in life. Most importantly, you may not want to miss out on your child’s affection by being a dictator!

No brainwashing politics– Politics does affect our daily life. But should this affect your children’s upbringing too? Whether you are capitalist, socialist, communist, or centralist, do not brainwash your children with your political opinions. A minor’s age is for learning the basics of academics and life. While a healthy argument helps adolescents create interest in subject matter and create an opinion later as an adult. Recent psychological research suggests raising kids with blind or one-directional approaches lower acceptance of other and violent tendencies in kids. This is not healthy in a multicultural and global structure of the business, work, and society today. This tendency creates bad interpersonal relationships and loss of opportunities as an adult. While lessons learned at an early age are better than later!

No emotional blackmailing, guilt-tripping, fear-mongering, marginalizing or manipulating– Deal with your children carefully. Just because they are under your control, it does not mean you have to ‘control’ them. Any of the above acts done to your child in order to get done what you want is harmful to your child’s mental health. While all the way you think all these are for their good, you don’t realize it’s literally all about you. The source for the same may be self-defined societal pressure, unfulfilled dreams of your own life, or simply not trying enough to understand the pain and suffering of your child.

Let’s consider some usual cases that we see around us:

1. Forcing your child to bring good grades else you will not allow him to meet his friends is what you do to emotionally blackmail.
2. Forcing your teenager to choose between her lover or you with your house, destroys her emotional wellbeing, and leads to a depressive state of mind.
3. Warning self-harm and denying food just to not let your child move out of your house or explore a certain passion or career path of his/her own and continuously suggesting them to pursue paths that you think are right for them are yet another example of manipulation and fear creation.
4. Forcing your adult ones to live life on your terms like wear clothes approved by you, eat, talk, and maybe even breath as you want else you will stop talking to them. You are here creating in them the fear of getting disconnected from parents they love so much, guilt-trip them for not being there with you or not being just enough for them for the sake of enjoying lost power/control over them and also in the name of societal respect.
5. Telling them they don’t know enough, they can’t think or decide rightfully, they are stupid or ugly or comparing them with others is the example of marginalizing your child. It affects the self-esteem of that individual for a quite long run, maybe his whole life if the condition remains unattained.

       Well, does that mean, doing just what your child says? The answer is no and yes. While they can be wrong in their decision but you can still be right if your decision is your child focused and filled with compassion explained here, in the next point.

Child-centric means no punishment- Punishments are for the lawbreakers, you don’t punish your child! There is no mistake or difference of opinion which suggests you should punish them. It leads to psychological issues that sustain in all growing stages of life if remained uncured. Low self-esteem, lack of ability to love oneself, fear of doing wrong, fear of humiliation, and fear of the unknown who is ready to punish for their actions are some visible issues from the list. This further creates an inability to take action leading to a lack of performance in the real world. There are no issues that cannot be discussed and talked through. When your family decision is child-centric filled with compassion and a desire to alleviate your child’s pain and suffering, they will for sure make you feel proud. When you are so much into motivating them, teaching them how to build their world and be in charge of it, precisely building the self; then you become the strength of your child to deal with any societal, communal, national, global, or inter galaxy pressure. It’s a difficult task, it is involvement, it is cognitive thinking, it is a great deal of effort which you should not get away with. Most great people performing out there in the world be it Elon Musk, Barack Obama, Priyanka Chopra, Salena Gomez and many more have parents who not just believed in them but who dreamt their child’s dream for their child and walked extra miles for them to make them what they became. Believe me, it’s tough but it’s worth it.

Emotionally secure to promote extreme expression- Here is the catch! While we see a  very happy, friendly, loving, and sharing family, the individuals in the family still hold on to their extreme emotions unwilling to disturb others and make them feel worried. Your love for each other should not itself become an obstacle or burden. Sometimes due to external factors to a human internalizes these emotions, the family not necessarily being at fault. Hence, it’s important that we create space for outbursts of extreme expressions like crying your heart out, extreme outbursts of laughter, a bad day or bad months, etc, and not just be ok with it but also be available. When a person shares his/her deepest feelings and thoughts it is important to not only be a good listener but also respect the emotion and try to understand. It’s not necessary to always be a pro in providing suggestions. An emotion expressed nearest to the source and in a secure environment is very healing else there is a possibility of being channelized into a harmful decision or series of wrong decisions.

Embracing Dysfunctionality – This is new normal! With changing times, socio-economic dynamics in the world, it is foolish to view every aspect through traditional lenses. Dysfunctionality comes in different shapes. While the USA is best known for dysfunctional families, now this structure is thriving in various countries in the world. Parents having more than one partner end up having children from them, this brings in the context of many half brothers and sisters. In a gathering, you may get confused about who is who’s? You know, all are one family, everyone is everyone’s and for everyone. Children get to have more parents who come from different cultures and different upbringings, this helps in the healthy personality development of children in the family. Have you read ‘Rich dad, Poor dad’, just like that.  I call it the new joint family. Children brought up in polyamorous parenting are also benefitted similarly. Due to imperfections, one does not miss out on its blessing of the opportunity to build strong bondings with each other. In families with problems, begin with trusting each other. Yes, it is a lengthy process but important. A family has to support and inspire each other through all that it goes through.

Welcoming arguments (healthy/unhealthy) – Disputes between husband and wife or parent and children are inevitable in family life. “If your family never has arguments, it means that issues within them are being avoided”. To become productive adults, children should be able to voice out their opinions even if there is a disagreement. Parents and kids should welcome every argument not with the intention to fight but to come up with a solution over it. They should be selective about the issues they fight over; are they really worth the battle? It is okay if the other person wins sometimes! When parents and their kids argue, the more they need is the ability to listen calmly. Nevertheless, healthy arguments within boundaries could go on for a long time; they should be controlled and respectful while moving towards a solution. But discontinue such arguments when they turn unhealthy. Together communicate and take a look at the root cause of every argument that arises. Communication is the key to arriving at the best solution in any battle. Do not forget that children model themselves like their parents.

Sexual openness to promote sexual exploration and embrace all sexual preferences – Parent conversation with their kids about sexual relationships play a critical role in reducing their risky sexual behavior. It is important for parents to develop an open-minded attitude towards their children’s sexual life. It is a changed era and parents need to adapt to the changing times. Similarly, it is equally important for kids to be honest about their own preferences to their parents. Sexuality encompasses a child’s physical development, sexual knowledge, attitudes, beliefs, and values. Talking with each other about sexual life gives a space of openness and acceptance. Sexual exploration often becomes a problem nowadays. Why? We all have choices and opinions which vary throughout. People may have their own choices and we need to respect them positively. Parents should listen to their child and acknowledge their feelings. Respect and promote your children’s self-esteem; be encouraging and help your kids to feel good about themselves. Let them explore and share their thoughts over sexuality; keep the lines of communication open with them through deeper conversation. It is a life-long process wherein each person develops attitudes and values that guide choices, relationships, and understandings.

Creating a Family Foundation and volunteering together for a cause – Volunteering through family foundations can be a dynamic and enriching experience for parents as well as the children. There are many reasons to get involved from improved health to better quality time, family benefits while engaging in community strengthening. Volunteering transmits values among kids in a family who learn through observation. It strengthens your community making it better off. It helps people understand the “benefit of sacrifice” – by giving up a toy to a poor child, a kid understands how it is good to sacrifice.  Working on community service can bring kids and teens in touch with people of different backgrounds, abilities, culture, and education. Family foundations create legacies of work towards society. The Whalton family foundation is a family-led foundation. Three generations of the founders now work together to create access to opportunities for people and different communities. They help in improving education, protection of rivers and oceans and investing in regions.  An effective family foundation will establish a clear mission explicitly and plans to give back to the community. One study found that volunteering helps achieve greater life satisfaction and better physical health. A 2009 study by John Hopkins University revealed that volunteering through such means can actually improve a brain’s functioning. Moreover, such foundations help you stay physically and mentally active impacting your health at a later stage. It increases understanding and respect among each other and towards each other’s opinions.

Remember, raising kids is a task you choose to do and your child learns what you do not what you teach. It takes great parenting to raise great children,MAHATMANS.